Rhythm over routine

One of the more common concerns parents approach us with is that they are finding it difficult to get their baby into a routine. Often they have downloaded Apps that give them strict time based guidelines to follow . many parents report that they are often left feeling very frustrated when their baby doesn't adhere to the policy!

Don’t worry, we’ve been there too.

Attempting to follow strict prescriptive time based schedules can often make things so much harder. Despite the evidence suggesting this is not an effective parenting technique to get your baby into a routine based on their age this method of "sleep Training" is still being sold to parents.

Often parents and carers are seeking a routine to help them feel in control of their baby's sleeping, feeding and awake times. Sometimes it is possible to make a baby follow a pre determined schedule but they find the baby is still not sleeping as well they hoped. They find themselves in dark quiet rooms patting, rocking or shushing their baby for long periods until the baby eventually falls asleep but they are left feeling frustrated and anxious due to the effort and time required to achieve a nap.

Ultimately parents end up clock watching and not watching out for their baby's natural cues as to what their baby needs.

Science tells us that sleep is not under our conscious control and that you simply cannot make a baby sleep if they are not ready to. Everything can appear to fall apart as frustration levels rise and the baby is unable to adhere to the proposed routine and no one is having a good time.

– Understanding sleep pressure –

Sleep pressure for most of us rises over the day from when we wake until it is high enough for us to put our heads down at the end of the night to sleep. With our babies the pressure rises much quicker making it necessary for them to have a nap during daylight hours to take the edge off their sleep pressure for them to remain content. For some of our babies this may only be a 15 or 20 minute nap and then they are awake again. For these babies if the nights are manageable then this may well be all they need. For other babies a much longer nap time is needed for them to feel the same level of contentment when awake. Our babies are as individual as we are and so are their sleep needs. The goal is to align your babies sleep pressure to be in line with yours in order to optimise the overnight sleep for everyone.

– What steps can you take to find your unique rhythm –

Finding a rhythm with your baby is far more important than trying to adhere to a strict routine. What it all comes down to is not watching the clock, but watching your baby.

Instead of planning your days based on time try to find a pattern to your day. Seeking a rhythm rather than a time based routine will enable you to move through the day with a natural flow while meeting your baby's needs by observing their cues and responding appropriately.

Start the day by deciding what you need and want to achieve then move through the day with your baby allowing things to flow as naturally as possible. You may well find that a pattern emerges and you can implement moments of connection that your baby will recognise as signs of transitions such as reading a book prior to a sleep. Your baby will still eat, wake, sleep and play but in their own rhythm that works with their unique biology without force or pressure.

Interestingly the more aware of our own rhythms we are the more a routine actually becomes established. So, by noticing when your baby is cuing they are tired you can move into a sleep rhythm by offering a feed or reading a book or whatever your usual pre sleep rhythm is. Having regular sleep associations and rhythms makes the transition to sleep much easier and less stressful.

As our babies grow their rhythm changes constantly and by being in tune with them you can navigate progressions with more ease as rhythms evolve. By not watching the clock or trying to follow a strict time based schedule you are more flexible and relaxed allowing you to experiment with your babies new needs.